Se Hace Camino Al Andar

It’s getting harder and harder to go to work these days. Besides the usual not-feeling-well-in-the-morning thing, every day reminds me how much I’ll miss my kids and my co-workers. I’ve yet to feel twinges of self-doubt that I’m making the wrong decision, though. My kids, they don’t get it and I don’t know if they ever will. All they see is a nice teacher that they can talk to. I don’t know if they understand that it’s not enough, that they need a teacher who will come in there everyday, organized and ready to go and getting them engaged in learning. To be sure, I’m chockful of ideas and I give those ideas away all the time, but when it comes to implementing those ideas in my own classroom, I hit a wall.  A very hard wall. (You should see the bruises on my forehead!) A few kids have blamed other kids for my leaving, citing their behavior and saying I should ignore them. I wish it were that simple, kids!

Some co-workers have suggested being an Assistant Principal. I think I’m way too passive-aggressive for that but it’s surprising how other people can such a different perception of me, than I do of myself. Apparently, I’m not passive-aggressive at all. Go figure. In any case, I think being an administrator would make me pull my hair out. I do not envy my AP and all the pressure he is under. Just like we teachers sometimes resent being accountable for kids whose situations are beyond our control, APs are accountable for teachers in the same way. Anyway, I don’t see myself going in that direction.

So, people are upset that I’m leaving, especially the parent of one of my students who works in the school. I think they are just surprised. To them, it feels like it came out of nowhere. Of course, it didn’t and an very observant person probably would’ve seen it coming.

This week and next week are about wrapping up loose ends.  As the staff adviser for my school’s Opening Act program,  I needed to find someone to take my place (done!). I have teachers’ choice money to spend (joy! staples, here I come!). I plan to get lots of goodies and supplies for my fellow department members. I need to clean up my room and throw away massive amounts of paper. I need to put my class texts back into the book room. And on and on. I’m sure I can think of more things I need to do before I leave.

I also need to step up my search for a part-time job. I’ve put a few feelers out there to contacts that I have, including the Writing Project and NBC (where I did freelance work last Spring). I wonder if there are actual literacy coach jobs out there? From what I hear, they are few and far between. If your school needs a literacy coach, e-mail me!