Se Hace Camino Al Andar

Ooookay, let’s not talk about the other thing anymore. Instead, let’s talk about the yummy dinner I made tonight! For those of you that don’t know, when we moved to Greenfield, we knew that we were going to have to do some serious budget-cutting, since we’re paying rent here and still paying for our apartment in New York until it sells. One of the easiest ways to save money, when you have a family, is to cut back on meat and eat more vegetarian meals. We could all do with less meat anyway, and the meat I buy for my family is expensive, since we try to avoid CAFO meat.

So, we’ve been eating a lot more vegetarian meals since we moved here, and tonight… mmh, it was YUMMY.

Vegetable Ragout with Polenta (adapted from Food Made Fast, by Williams-Sonoma)

(Note: This is a great way to use up veggies floundering in your fridge!)

Ingredients:

Zucchini
Tomatoes
Sweet onion
Garlic
Mushrooms (I like baby bellas!)
Prepared polenta (it comes in logs, usually found in the health food or deli section)
Shredded parmesan cheese
Balsamic vinegar

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
2. Clean and quarter the mushrooms. Place in a microwave-safe container, cover with plastic wrap and zap for 6-8 minutes. Drain mushrooms and set aside.
3. Chop the rest of the veggies, seed the tomatoes, if using plum or bigger, and leave the garlic in big pieces.
4. Combine all the veggies in a roasting pan, keeping the garlic off to a side or corner of the pan (you’ll need to take those pieces out later and mince them.)
5. Coat with oil, salt and pepper. Roast until soft, browned and fragrant.
6. In the meantime, slice  polenta into rounds, place in a single layer on a baking sheet, and coat each side lightly with oil.
7. When veggies are done and removed from oven, broil the polenta slices until browned, then flip, top each slice with shredded parmesan cheese and broil until cheese is browned.
8. Mash up roasted garlic, and combine with veggies in a bowl.
9. Stir in a tablespoon of balsamic and season with salt and pepper, to taste.
10. Distribute veggies evenly among plates, and top with polenta slices.
11. Eat! Yum yum.

I’m not sure if this Newsweek piece on firing bad teachers was purposely published on the heels of Elizabeth Green’s piece in the Sunday Times Magazine last week or if it’s just the topic en vogue these days but in any case, I find it hard to argue with the points in the article.

Yet in recent years researchers have discovered something that may seem obvious, but for many reasons was overlooked or denied. What really makes a difference, what matters more than the class size or the textbook, the teaching method or the technology, or even the curriculum, is the quality of the teacher. Much of the ability to teach is innate—an ability to inspire young minds as well as control unruly classrooms that some people instinctively possess (and some people definitely do not). Teaching can be taught, to some degree, but not the way many graduate schools of education do it, with a lot of insipid or marginally relevant theorizing and pedagogy. In any case the research shows that within about five years, you can generally tell who is a good teacher and who is not.

The main thrust of the article is the same as Green’s piece on teacher education, and the quote above just reiterates the point I made in my previous post on this topic.  Looking at this issue from both sides of the fence, as a teacher and as a non-teacher/parent, it’s hard to argue that yes, it is far, far too hard to fire bad teachers, harder than it should be. But, and this is a big one, having been a teacher in a poorly administrated school rife with nasty politics, I have seen first-hand how teachers can be targeted by principals and assistant principals based on a personal agenda or political manuvering. It’s not the stuff of myth– it really happens.  A former colleague of mine was harassed to the point of a nervous breakdown because she called the assistant principal on a discrepancy in the school’s special education promotion policy. The policy on paper, and the policy being executed were two very different things, to the detriment of the students. Since our school was under scrutiny already for poor performance and management, the assistant principal had a vested interest in putting the kibosh on a teacher that had the guts to stand up for her students.

So, it’s a fine line. How do we balance the protection of good teachers that dare to stand up to administration when they spot wrongdoing and the protection of students by letting go the truly bad teachers? Perhaps the union’s voice would be stronger if they were more selective in who they defended. They might be more effective if they spent their time helping the victims of political persecution and less time trying to make it difficult for bad teachers to be fired. Because believe you me, I have seen and worked with my fair share of crappy teachers over the years, including one teacher that used to pee  in a can in his classroom closet and badmouth other teachers to his students.  Why is that guy still teaching while my well-meaning colleague, who is an excellent teacher, by the way, was basically driven out of the school by a nasty agenda?

The way I see it, the issue here is not bad teachers, per se but the fact that there’s little accountability and far too much job protection than is healthy or reasonable. A great teacher, or a good teacher, even should be judged on the merits of his or her performance, and if he or she is truly a good teacher, then there should be a willingness to be held accountable and the union should support that. Of course, the question then becomes “how do we measure the performance of a teacher?” That is a whole ‘nother bag of tricks but it’s not an impossible task. All those countries that are ranked above us, in terms of education– how do they do it? Instead of trying every new thing under the sun, why not send American administrators across the pond to see how it’s done. It’s probably not rocket science but it would most likely require a huge cultural shift in our thinking about education and schooling.  Transforming culture is the hardest reform of all, and it doesn’t happen quickly. It happens gradually, over time, across generations and that might just be the ticket because the fast fixes are getting us nowhere fast.

As a follow-up, check out this debate between Elizabeth Green and Evan Thomas (of Newsweek): http://www.newsweek.com/id/234696

So, the discouraging news I got yesterday was that at 34 weeks, the baby is presenting breech. It was a kind of “omg, just shoot me right now” moment but today, I’m feeling somewhat better about it. I know earlier this time, than I did with Alice (we didn’t know until 37 weeks!), so I feel like I have time to be pro-active about it.

So far, we’re trying moxa, the Webster technique, and some breech tilt positions to get the baby to turn. We’re on the fence about doing a external version and trying everything else before we attempt the version.  It’s all I can do at this point, and in the end, I might end up having another c-section. At least, this time around, I know what to expect and I’m prepared to be flexible.

We had a refresher childbirth class tonight, designed for already-parents and VBAC’ers. We were the only ones that showed up, which was nice because that meant the class was much shorter and we got all our questions answered. After getting the news about the baby being breech, I was feeling hesitant about going to the class because I didn’t want get my hopes up but I’m glad I went. It was my first time seeing the hospital and meeting some of the staff. Everyone is incredibly nice, and I love the facilities (as much as you can love a hospital facility, I guess!).  I’m willing to be hopeful but it’s tempered somewhat. I definitely feel a little guarded and unable to get excited about giving birth. It sucks to feel this way but there it is.

It’s hard to write a slice today. I have a bad cold, I’m sort of in a fog and I got some discouraging news today, so I’m just gonna phone this one in. I know you all forgive me, right?!

The kitchen is a mess, the dishwasher needs to be unloaded,  the living room looks like a tornado ripped through it and there’s laundry to be folded. But the kiddo was finally packed off to bed, Henry is out grabbing a drink after a stressful day and I’m enjoying the quiet of the evening, save for the rumbling of the washing machine.

In a few minutes, I’ll tackle the mess so I can mix up a batch of bread dough to use for the week. A couple of weeks ago, I picked up a copy of Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day, and so far, I love it. We go through bread like water around here, and it just makes sense to make our own bread. AB in 5 makes it easy to have a fresh loaf everyday or every other day. You mix up a master batch of dough, forgo the kneading and keep the whole lot in the fridge. Whenever you want a fresh loaf, you cut off a piece of dough, shape it, cloak it then bake it off. Some work the night before gives you bread in 30 minutes every day for a week or two. I’m so enamored of this method that I ordered a 6 quart bucket for storing the dough (from King Arthur Flour!), and next on my wish list is a baking stone. I dropped a not-so-obvious hint to Henry that the baking stone would be a great Birth Day gift. (When Alice was born, I got an iPhone–actually, it was free, thanks to my mom but Henry stood in line for four hours, in the July swelter, to get me the phone.)

And now, I’m off to tackle the mess.

“Today, the teacher-education curriculum is a confusing patchwork. Academic instruction and clinical instruction are disconnected. Graduates are insufficiently prepared for the classroom.” Arthur Levine,  Former President, Columbia Teachers’ College

I finally got around to reading Elizabeth Green’s article in the Sunday Times Magazine, “Building a Better Teacher.” Truthfully, I was wary.  I’m getting a little tired of all the teacher-bashing that seems to be in vogue these days, in the media or elsewhere. But this article is an accurate assessment of the state of teacher training in the United States, based on my own personal experience. I have a degree in English Education from the NYU School of Education (now called Steinhardt). I earned that degree, I had a great education, I had great professors but did I learn what I needed to know to teach? Not really and it didn’t take long for me to realize this. I knew a lot about methods, about ideology but content? Not so much. Classroom management? Not so much. In retrospect, I know now that I would’ve been better off majoring in English, to acquire content and spending more time observing teachers in the classroom, as well as teaching under an experienced teacher. Instead of taking all these methods classes, my time and money would’ve been better spent if I’d had the opportunity to observe and co-teach for three or four years. Imagine a teacher education program in which students major in their content area, get paired up with a mentor teacher, spend x number of hours in that teacher’s classroom per week and attend follow-up seminars to debrief.  Instead, I learned on my feet, in the moment,  and through cobbled-together professional development opportunities, provided either by my school, the Union or by outside organizations that I sought out on my own. In the meantime, what happened to the students that had to suffer through my inexperience, my ineptitude, my positive intentions?

Barring all other factors, the teacher is the single greatest influence on the outcome of a student’s performance. There is no way around it. It’s a big responsibility to shoulder but why did we become teachers, if not to take on this burden? We owe it to ourselves and our students to demand better teacher education. We’re a big part of the puzzle, and the solution.

Oh, I made it to yoga this morning and I’m so glad I did. It felt good to work on myself for an hour and a half, stretching neglected limbs and muscles, and feeling like I was being pro-active about preparing my body for labor and birth.

The class happens to be taught by a woman who we’ve “hired” to be our doula for the birth. I use quotations because we are getting her services for free. She’s completed her doula training, but still has to attend a few more births in order to get her certification. I think her yoga background will be very helpful to us, and she seems like a calming presence. Both Henry and I felt comfortable with her, so we’re looking forward to working with her!

After class, I walked out into a bright, sunny day with a twinge of warmth in the air. The morning had been windy but the wind was gone. I had a burst of energy as I walked home, eager to get started on a planned hike. We got Alice dressed (after much struggle–apparently, she finds the color brown offensive and refused the first two pairs of  brown pants we attempted to dress her in!) and hustled out the door. We took a quick car ride up to the trailhead at the edge of town that leads to Poet’s Seat Tower, and walked a half-mile up to the top where we saw amazing views of our little town. It was a short visit as Alice had morphed into her alterego, HRH Cranky Pantalones. In her defense, she was teething and desperately needed a nap. But nevermind. We still got our fresh air and some great pictures.

In hindsight, I should’ve had better foresight. When I signed up to take the MTEL, I signed up for three exams in one day– two tests in the morning and one test in the afternoon. I didn’t think about how uncomfortable and tired I would be at 8.5 months pregnant, how hard it would be to sit in a chair for hours and maintain focus.

So, yeah. I did not finish the third test– the English content exam. I made it through the multiple choice, all 100 questions but when I got to the essays, I hit a wall. I tried to muster up the willpower to analyze an excerpt by Homer (or whoever–I don’t remember now). I took a look at the second essay. Pretty easy– write about the theme of journeys, using a widely-known text. Under normal circumstances, I could write both of those essays in a half hour, maybe.  I was exhausted, the room was warm, I was squirmy. I called it a day, and walked out to find Alice and Henry waiting for me, to take me home. It was the best moment of my day! So, I’ll probably have to take it again. C’est La Vie!

Back home again, we puttered around as a family. We headed over to an Open House on the corner that showcased our landlord’s latest development, a mix of residential and retail housed in an historic building. We met some interesting people from the community, including the Mayor and the president of the Greenfield Historical Society. Henry drank champagne, and we ate cake. Back home again, we made dinner and sat down to a meal of fish and parsnip-apple mash, which Henry christened “parsnapple mash”. The dinner conversation mostly consisted of Alice asking for “more bish! more bish!”

We cleaned up quickly, Henry headed out to hear some live music down the block and Alice and I settled in for the night. I put up a batch of dough to rise overnight for Sunday bagels, while Alice made her last-minute mess (pulling her books off the bookcase and stealing my kitchen equipment for her own kitchen). I hustled her off to bed and here I am, bringing this blog post to an end, so I can crawl into bed and read a few more pages of Animal, Vegetable, Miracle before passing out.

Tomorrow is yoga, bagels, cleaning and maybe a visit from some friends, passing through town on their way home from a ski trip.

I. AM. EXHAUSTED.

I went to a professional development workshop at The Carle this morning and it felt good to be among colleagues, even if I didn’t know them.  I go out pretty often without Alice but it’s usually to do the grocery shopping, so this felt different. I was doing something for me and I was gone for HOURS.  And it’s worth the exhaustion that I’m feeling now.

Tomorrow is another long day, with three licensing exams to take. Henry and Alice are dropping me off at the test site at 7:45 am and I’ll see them again at 3, perhaps. My husband is a champ. As exhausted as I am, I know that being with Alice all day is even more tiring, and to do it two days in a row… Sure, he’s her father but when I’m home with Alice, my focus is on Alice and various household chores that may or may not get done. Henry has to balance his work with giving Alice the attention she needs and that’s not easy.  But he knows that I need to do something for myself and pushes me to get out. (We give each other the space and “permission” to go out alone, to get some headspace and breathing room. Living in a one bedroom apartment has it’s challenges and personal space might be the biggest one of all.)

This week, the PD and the test are just one-time things but I’ll be starting a pre-natal yoga class on Sunday, which is a step towards taking better care of myself, as I was reminded by the Peggy O’Hara quote that I posted yesterday.   A few months ago, I made the decision that I needed to get back to my reading habit. I used to read voraciously, often balancing a few books at a time. Somewhere along the line, my reading dropped to nearly nothing owing to a short attention span and a lack of energy, not to mention plain old lack of time. Since then, my “Read” list on Goodreads has been growing longer and longer. Though reading is not “getting out,” it is still time that I am making for myself.  It all counts and it all helps.

Long before I was pregnant with Alice, I wanted to leave the school where I taught for seven years. It was poorly-run, the population was growing by leaps and bounds (from 1200 students my first year there to 1700 students when I left), I was feeling stifled, unappreciated and tired of being condescended to by the AP of English department, who had very little teaching experience.  In sort, I was burned out, or close to it. English is not a high-turnover area, so good teaching jobs are hard to come by. I sent out resumes, I called upon various contacts, but teaching full-time and looking for a job are not compatible activities. I was pretty sure, though, that I just wanted a change of scenery, and didn’t want to leave teaching altogether. I loved teaching and working with kids but I hated the environment in which I taught.

I stuck it out, trying to rise above my misery. When Henry and I talked about marriage and having children, he knew that I wanted to stay home with the kids–it was part of the deal. We weren’t expecting to get pregnant so soon after the wedding but we found ourselves with a honeymoon baby that would be born after the school year ended. New York City doesn’t really have such a thing as maternity leave– you get six weeks (eight, if you have a c-section) of some kind of pay cobbled together from various sources, and you can take an unpaid leave of absence for a year, if you want your old job back.  I was miserable, stressed out and though I didn’t have morning sickness, I still had the first trimester yuckiness. I couldn’t imagine getting through the whole year under such stress and still managing to have a healthy pregnancy. With Henry’s blessing, I left teaching after my first trimester, which happened to coincide with the end of the Fall term. It seemed as good a time as any to jump ship. Rather than go through the headache of filing paperwork to get a few measly hundred dollars a week or take a leave of absence, I decided to resign. We were planning to move out of the city anyway and I would be staying home once the baby was born anyway.

Fast forward 20 months later. I’ve been out of the classroom since 2008 and the longer I go, the more I begin to miss it. I feel incredibly lucky and grateful to have my husband’s support, emotionally and financially, to have the opportunity to stay home and raise our daughter. But I’m also coming to understand that I need more social interaction, more intellectual challenges, and a reason to leave the house everyday. And if I’m being honest, I also missed having the second income and the privileges that come with that.  Raising a child is a challenge in and of itself but it calls upon different personal resources than a job outside the home does. When I found I was pregnant again a second time, I was thinking about going back to work. Alice was 13 months old, she was fully weaned and I felt like it was a good opportunity get back into the workforce until we were ready for baby #2. Man plans, God laughs, right?

The new plan is to go back to teaching in the Fall of 2011, since I am committed to being home with my children for at least the first year of their life, for a variety of reasons. In the Fall of 2011, Alice will be old enough for preschool and baby #2 will be sixteen months old, so I feel comfortable with a daycare situation at the point. In the meantime, I’m pursuing opportunities that will whet my teaching appetite (I have one coming up, but more on that later!).

Mmh… when I started this blog post, I had a point and now I seem to have lost it. That’s probably my cue to go to bed.

Update:

Huh. What do you know?  I visited SouleMama’s blog tonight and there was this quote from Peggy O’Mara, author of The Way Back Home.

“…understand that to nurture and love others with the grace you desire means taking care of yourself and cultivating your own inner harmony. Inner harmony grows not by finding ways to get away from your child, but by giving yourself the gift of a hot bath at the end of a long day, reading a book of poetry, talking to a friend on the phone, taking a nap, crying, getting a massage, having a day off from cleaning and cooking, staying in your pajamas all day, swimming, going out to eat, or attending a conference. Do something for yourself as you give. Learn to laugh at yourself and not take yourself so seriously.”

Well, that about sums it up nice and neatly…

Update to the Update:

This is what I get for writing a blog post when I should be sleeping. Upon review, I can see that there seems to be no connection between the above quote and what I wrote in the original post, but in my brain, there is. I just forgot to share it… A large part of my desire to go back to work has to do with doing something that’s for me. Yes, it’s wierd– why would WORK be the thing that keeps me sane? Other people do yoga, or go to the gym or take a class or whatever. Me, I want to go work. If I had some corporate hack job, I probably wouldn’t feel that way but because teaching is not just something that I do but something that I AM, it gives me immense satisfaction and a feeling of fulfillment.

So, I guess that was my point?